Shock is a very versatile word, Nick thought, staring at the medical test results in front of him, a feeling he couldn't name crawling down his spine to settle in a curl at the bottom of his stomach. Electric shock--gotten his share of those in his life, jumping over barbed wire fences in his teenage days. Good shock, like a surprise birthday party with people you haven't seen in years there. Bad shock--getting walked in on by your girlfriend when you're cheating on her, yeah, that was a bad shock. But this shock...he couldn't find a name for it. Just raw surprise, and maybe a little anger. Okay, a lot of anger, and a big huge WHY reverberating inside his head.

Whoda thunk it, Nick thought wonderingly. Gil Grissom, going deaf.

But when he thought about it, it finally started to add up. Cell phone always on vibrate. Others having to repeat questions. Not answering when spoken to. Keeping music on loud to cover.

He wouldn't have opened the envelope if he'd known it wasn't his, he told himself guiltily, and not entirely honestly. It was in front of his locker, so he'd automatically figured in that bull-headed way of his that it was meant for him and hadn't bothered to check the address. Stupid, he thought. Stupid and ignorant and now you know something the boss certainly didn't want you to know.

WHY was echoing inside his head, still. WHY didn't he tell us, WHY couldn't he trust us, trust me, ME. Catherine probably knew, Nick ticked off inside his head. Warrick would've figured it out sooner or later. Sara--nah, too self-absorbed. Why couldn't he tell ME, a little entitled voice inside Nick wailed.

That probably hurt the worst. This person, this man that Nick hero-worshipped, flat out worshipped if he were to be honest, had a crush on if he were to be brutally honest, couldn't trust Nick to tell him that no, he wasn't really ignoring you, Nick, he just couldn't hear a word you said.

And there it was. Gil didn't have to be deaf to not listen to Nick. Ah, no, it's just Nick, just the good ol' boy with his easy going drawl. Nick won't care if you ignore him, go over his head, walk all over him like he's a fucking doormat, for chrissake.

It's just Nick.

And there was that, too, Nick realized. Grissom couldn't trust Nick enough to tell him about his hearing loss, and Nick certainly, certainly couldn't trust Grissom enough to tell him about this, this, say it asshole, this CRUSH he had on Gil like a fourteen year old girl on her favorite teacher.

Sonofabitch, Nick muttered, and tucked the results back into the envelope, and the envelope into the pocket of his jacket. Son of a bitch, he said louder, because it felt good to finally acknowledge that yeah, Gil sure was, and slammed his hand onto the door frame. Gil couldn't hear him, anyway.